Mertens doesn't want any other youth in his hometown to ever feel the way he did, so he took matters into his own hands. If somebody had come out that I looked up to in the town, I would have been a lot happier. In my hometown, you have to fit in or you'll be exiled. "I had a smile on my face all the time as a kid, but I was dying on the inside. Despite being a successful football player, he feared losing his friends and teammates if he talked about his homosexual tendencies. He happily dated girls and never let on that he had a secret, yet inside he knew he also had an attraction to other boys. Mertens was never the target of homophobia. "It's not directed at gays, it's just more like if guys are giving each other crap, it's never that you're stupid, it's always that you're a 'fag' or a 'cocksucker.'" Those youth, Mertens said, plummeted to the bottom of the school's social ladder as soon as they bore the label "gay." As it is in many grade schools, hearing gay slurs was a daily occurrence. There were some students in his high school who either came out or were known to be gay. Barack Obama garnered just 35% of the vote in the area in 2012 63% voted against the state's ultimately approved same-sex marriage ballot measure in the same election. The Tri-Cities is a conservative area in Southeast Washington that Mertens said isn't the most LGBT-friendly place in the world. The people he most wanted to reach are the residents of his hometown of Kennewick, Wash. I made the decision that if I could help anyone else avoid feeling the way I felt, I would." You don't have to follow the stereotype to be this way. "I hate the stereotypes that go along with liking the same sex. "For me growing up, I always felt the biggest thing that caused my depression was the feeling of being alone," Mertens said. Yet for Mertens, the potential gain for both himself and other youth like him simply outweighed the risk. With no college experience under his belt and the starting place-kicker position for next season up in the air, it would be easy for a coach to find ways to bury him on the depth chart and quietly push him off the team. Some have come out to their team, many have come out to friends, but none have said publicly that they are LGBT.Īs a red-shirt freshman, Mertens hasn't played a down for Willamette. No college football player in the United States at any level has ever come out publicly while still playing. Mertens didn't easily arrive at his decision to come out to his coach or team, let alone publicly. And next week, I'm going to tell the world." That was reassuring, Mertens said, because he had something very personal to share with his coach. All that mattered to Fowles was whether he could kick that ball through those two goal posts. He then asked if his role on the team would be affected by things he did off the field, or if he'd be judged by his performance. Mertens asked Fowles if he was a good kicker. "I'm not going anywhere, coach," Mertens said. Willamette offered great opportunities, the personnel was top-notch, the academics were stellar and Mertens' future with the team was bright. When Mertens arrived for the meeting, Fowles started a subtle soft-sell on the school. While Mertens is a red-shirt freshman and missed the 2013 season due to injury, he has the potential to be the team's place kicker for the next four years. In his two decades at Willamette, an hour south of Portland, Ore., he's never had to handle anything like this.įowles and his special teams coordinator feared Mertens would tell them he was transferring to another school. Before that he played on the offensive line for the Bearcats for two seasons. He's moved up the ranks from offensive line coach to offensive coordinator and a year ago was named the team's head coach. Fowles has been on the team's staff for 18 years. Conner Mertens, the Willamette University football team's up-and-coming kicker, had asked head coach Glen Fowles for some office time last Monday to discuss something important.
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